the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Floor bacon is actually really good
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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