I cannot find my penis.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
