Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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