so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
