Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
