don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
