You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
