guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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