Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
