At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize