sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
