i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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