part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
my poor anus
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
