u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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