she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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