I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
