You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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