and you said cock pushups were impossible
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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