I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
