grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
