so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
