Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
