I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
