Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Dicks are not precious.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
