You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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