I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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