We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
