So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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