I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
