do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you didnt know i had herpes?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
