Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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