i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
