He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
