He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
