he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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