Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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