My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
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I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
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It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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