just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
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On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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