I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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