Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
