I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
