apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
