I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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