I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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