he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
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Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
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My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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