I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
