you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize