I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
