Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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