if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
now i know why i became what i already was.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
