3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
