I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
