if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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