So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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