I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
oh god the rape fog is back!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
as a side note pls kill me
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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