My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My hand turned me down
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
