Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
