I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Im part way to drunk.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
