I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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