Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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