I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
