He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
