He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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