i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
