her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Of course I have a pirate flag
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
