I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
