dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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