It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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