Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
