Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
