Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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