People in love make me want to vomit
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
