My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
