Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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