Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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