i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
