saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
