Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
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I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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