woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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