just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
