Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
