I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
