I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
