yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
