dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
