You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
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